After a long time, the other day, my friends and I went bowling. And I started to think to myself that Life is a lot like bowling.
Bowling is a team sport just like life. In bowling, sometimes the best players struggle, and others that were less likely to do well, surprise you and make all the difference. This is one of my favourite lessons: focusing on someone else’s score doesn’t make yours any better.
It’s easy to get distracted by how well someone else is playing. You see their score go up, they bowl a strike or a spare. And you’re calculating in your mind what you think that could be. But all that does is it distracts you from your game.
Similarly, in life, focusing on someone else’s Instagram grid doesn’t make yours any better. Focusing on what someone else is doing for work or what they’re driving doesn’t make yours any better. Focus on yourself, focus on your own role, your strengths, that will make all the difference.
And that leads us nicely to the next lesson: There’s different ways to play the game.
Some people spin the ball, some people go for a straight, direct roll, some people use two or three fingers, the list continues. The truth is, it’s exactly the same in our lives. You will see some people succeed in a certain way. And others doing it completely differently.
The goal is to find your way. Your method. Your approach. The direction that works for you. Without trying to copy, mimic, or imitate someone else.
And we’ve all experienced this, sometimes your ball ends up in the gutter. I’m sure you’ve had that before, sometimes your throw was completely out of control and your ball went directly into the gutter. Or maybe sometimes you actually felt well-prepared and confident, but the ball still ended up in the gutter.
In life, just like that ball, sometimes we feel we’re in the gutter. But there’s something to learn from that. And just like the ball comes back, when we learn through our experience, we get another opportunity to improve, another opportunity to try, another opportunity to succeed. As Oscar Wilde said, “All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”
Sometimes, you hit a spare. You threw your best shot, you got the angle perfectly right, you prepared with everything you had, and that one pin is still up there. Sometimes, despite our best efforts in life, we don’t get what we want. Not everything aligns. Everything doesn’t go to plan. Life is a lot like bowling, keep your eyes on the ball, your concentration in the game, and your mind out of the gutter.
And in the end we realize, we have to be just like that bowling pin. No matter how hard we’re hit by life, no matter how hard we’re hit by others, we have to keep stepping back up.
① We believe that because we’ve been unsuccessful in the past, that the barrier still exists even for new ventures. In other words, we continue to see a barrier in our heads, that separates us from our dreams, even though there is no real barrier, between where we are, and where we want to go.
And remember this – The teacher has failed more times than the student has even tried
② Imagine you wake up every day with $86,400 in your bank account, and at the end of the night it’s all gone whether you spent it or not. And then the next day you get another $86,400. What would we do with it?
Everyday 86,400 seconds are deposited into your life account. At the end of the day once they’re all used up you get a new 86,400 seconds.We would never waste it if it was money, so why do we waste it when it comes to time?
Those seconds are so much more powerful than dollars because you can always make more dollars, you can’t always make more time.
③ We cannot avoid the ups and downs, but we can change the way we see them. Because as Wayne Dyer said – When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
④ We all face distraction. We all experience distraction. We’re all played by distraction. But often we think that the opposite of distraction is focus.We think that we need to become more focused. We think that if we’re focused we’ll feel less distracted. We feel that if we’re able to draw our energy in a certain direction and force ourselves to absorb in an activity then we won’t be as distracted, but this is just not true.
The opposite of distraction is actually not focus. The opposite of distraction is, wait for it, attraction.
What we really need to do is increase our attraction. When we are attracted to something, we’re naturally focused. We’re naturally able to be present. We’re naturally able to bring our attention and our energy to that task, that project, that person. When we’re distracted and don’t have that attraction, we’re naturally all over the place.
We end up feeling lost, confused, and end up procrastinating. But no matter what you do, no matter how much you chase your passion and live your purpose, it will still be things you have to do on a daily basis that you don’t find interesting, and naturally you’ll feel unfocused and distracted.
For that, ask yourself this question: “Why am I here? Why am I doing this?” and you’ll find the mind will start to become attracted to that activity, tasks, or even that person.
⑤ Our health is the foundation of how we can build our time and wealth. And with our time and wealth, there are two key principles: We become successful by what we get, but we become happy by what we give. And what we give includes our time, our wealth, our energy.
And when those things are used to make a positive difference in the lives of others, to help others move forward to make an impact, that legacy will never be taken away.
And as Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
### Mark Hanna (Matthew McConaughey) performing the “Money Chant” while pounding his chest. After the chant he snorts some cocaine and offered to Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) ###
Mark Hanna: Tootski?
Jordan Belfort: Oh, no, no, thank you though.
Hector the Waiter: Misters, what can I bring for you on this glorious afternoon?
Mark Hanna: Well, Hector here’s the game plan. You’re gonna bring us two Absolut martinis, you know how I like ’em, straight up. And then precisely seven and one half minutes after that you’re gonna bring us two more. And then two more after that every five minutes until one of us passes the fuck out.
Hector the Waiter: Excellent strategy, sir.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, I’m…I’m good with water for now though. Thank you.
Mark Hanna: It’s his first day on Wall Street, give him time. Thank you.
Hector the Waiter: Mm-hmm.
Jordan Belfort: Thank you. Mr. Hanna, you’re able to…to do drugs during the day and still function, still do your job?
Mark Hanna: Well, how the fuck else would you do this job? Cocaine and hookers, my friends.
Jordan Belfort: Right. I gotta say, I’m incredibly excited to be a part of your firm. I mean…the clients you have are absolutely…
Mark Hanna: Fuck the clients. Your only responsibility is to put meat on the table. You got a girlfriend?
Jordan Belfort: I’m…I’m married. I have a wife; her name is Teresa. She cuts hair.
Mark Hanna: Congratulations.
Jordan Belfort: Thank you.
Mark Hanna: Think about Teresa. Name of the game, move the money from your clients’ pocket into your pocket.
Jordan Belfort: Right. But if you can make the clients’ money at the same time, it’s advantageous to everyone, correct?
Mark Hanna: No. Number one rule of Wall Street. Nobody, I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffet or if you’re Jimmy Buffet, nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up, down, sideways or in fucking circles, least of all stock brokers, right?
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Mark Hanna: It’s all a fugazi. Do you know what fugazi is?
Jordan Belfort: Fugazi, it’s a fake…
Mark Hanna: Yeah, fugazi, fogazi. It’s a wazi, it’s a woozi. It’s…fairy dust. It doesn’t exist, it’s never landed, it is no matter, it’s not on the elemental chart. It’s not fucking real. Right?
Jordan Belfort: Right.
Mark Hanna: Alright?
Jordan Belfort: Right.
Mark Hanna: Stay with me. We don’t create shit; we don’t build anything.
Jordan Belfort: No.
Mark Hanna: So if you got a client who brought stock at eight, and it now sits at sixteen, and he’s all fucking happy, he wants to cash it and liquidate and take his fucking money and run home. You don’t let him do that.
Jordan Belfort: Okay.
Mark Hanna: Cause that would make it real.
Jordan Belfort: Right.
Mark Hanna: No, what do you do? You get another brilliant idea, a special idea. Another situation, another stock to reinvest his earnings and then some. And he will, every single time. Cause they’re fucking addicted. And then you just keep doing this, again, and again, and again. Meanwhile, he thinks he’s getting shit rich, which he is, on paper. But you and me, the brokers?
Jordan Belfort: Right.
Mark Hanna: We’re taking home cold hard cash via commission, motherfucker.
Jordan Belfort: Right! That’s incredible, sir. I’m…I can’t tell you how excited I am.
Mark Hanna: You should be. There’s two keys to success in the broker business. First of all, you gotta stay relaxed.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Mark Hanna: You jerk off?
Jordan Belfort: Do I…do I jerk off? Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off, yeah.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, uh…three…three, three, four…three or four times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: You gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I, myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: Once in the morning, right after I work out, and then once right after lunch.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: Mm-hmm. Why? I want to. That’s not why I do it. I do it because I fucking need to. Think about it, you’re dealing with numbers all day long. Decimal points, high frequencies, bang, bang, bang. Eh-eh-eh-eh. Fucking digits kick, kick, kick, all very acidic above the shoulders mustard shit.
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Mark Hanna: Right?
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Mark Hanna: The con can wig some people out.
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Mark Hanna: Right? So you gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. And keep the rhythm below the belt.
Jordan Belfort: Done.
Mark Hanna: This is not a tip, this is a prescription. Trust me. If you don’t, you will fall out of balance. Glitch your differential and the tip fuck over. Or worse yet, I’ve seen this happen, implode.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don’t wanna implode, sir.
Mark Hanna: No. No, you don’t.
Jordan Belfort: I’m in it for the long run, you know?
Mark Hanna: Yeah. Implosions are ugly.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Mark Hanna: Pop off to the bathroom, work one out anytime you can. And when you get really good at it, you’ll be fucking stroking it and you’ll be thinking about money.
Mark Hanna: Second key to success. In this racket is this little baby right here, it’s called cocaine.
Jordan Belfort: Right.
Mark Hanna: It will keep you sharp between the ears. It’ll also help your fingers dial faster. And guess what? That’s good for me. Yes, sir. Revolutions, you follow?
Jordan Belfort: Revolutions.
Mark Hanna: Keep the client on the Ferris Wheel, and it goes, the park is open twenty-four-seven, three-six-five. Every decade, every
Goddamn century. That’s it. Name of the game. Halkidiki? Mmm.
Jordan Belfort: Thank you.
### Mark Hanna starts to perform the “Money Chant” ###
Mark Hanna: Come on. With a common denominator. Keep it up for me. The CEO. How the money comes in. The parade comes to town. Going down Broadway. It’s a one-way street, whichever way I go.
Thank you, Mr. Secretary General, UNICEF Executive Director, and all the excellencies and distinguished guests from all across the world. My name is Kim Nam Jun, also known as RM, the leader of the group BTS. It is an incredible honour to be invited to an occasion with such significance for today’s young generation.
Last November, BTS launched the Love Myself campaign with UNICEF, building on our belief that true love first begins with loving myself. We have been partnering with UNICEF’s #ENDviolence Programme, to protect children and young people all over the world from violence. And our fans have become a major part of this campaign, with their action and with their enthusiasm. We truly have the best fans in the world.
And I’d like to being by talking about myself. I was born in Ilsan, a city near Seoul, South Korea. It is a really beautiful place, with a lake, hills, and even an annual flower festival. I spent a very happy childhood there and I was just an ordinary boy. I used to look up at the night sky in wonder and I used to dream the dreams of a boy. I used to imagine that I was a superhero who could save the world.
And in an intro to one of our early albums, there is a line that says “My heart stopped when I was maybe nine or ten.” Looking back, I think that’s when I began to worry about what other people thought of me, and started seeing myself through their eyes. I stopped looking up at the night skies, the stars. I stopped daydreaming. Instead, I just tried to jam myself into the moulds that other people made. Soon, I began to shut out my own voice and started to listen to the voices of others.
No one called out my name and neither did I.
My heart stopped and my eyes closed shut. So, like this, I, we, all lost our names. We became like ghosts. But I had one sanctuary and that was music. There was a small voice inside of me that said “Wake up man, and listen to yourself.” But it took me quite a long time to hear music calling my real name. Even after making the decision to join BTS, there were a lot of hurdles. Some people might not believe it but most people thought we were hopeless. And sometimes, I just wanted to quit.
But I think I was very lucky that I didn’t give it all up. And I’m sure that I and we will keep stumbling and falling like this. BTS has become artists performing in those huge stadiums and selling millions of albums right now but I am still an ordinary 24-year-old-guy. If there’s anything that I’ve achieved, it was only possible that I have my other BTS members right by my side, and because of the love and the support that our army fans all over the world made for us.
And maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. Today, I am who I am with all of my faults and my mistakes. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that will be me too. These faults and mistakes are what I am making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become.
I’d like to say one last thing. After releasing our Love Yourself albums and launching the Love Myself campaign, we started to hear remarkable stories from our fans all over the world, how our message helped them overcome their hardships in life, and start loving themselves.
Those stories constantly remind us of our responsibility. So let’s all take one more step. We have learned to love ourselves, so now I urge you to “speak yourself”. I’d like to ask all of you – What is your name? What excites you and makes your heart beat? Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from – your skin colour, your gender identity – just speak yourself.
Find your name and find your voice by speaking yourself. I’m Kim Nam Jun and also RM of BTS. I’m an idol and I’m an artist from a small town in Korea. Like most people, I’ve made many and plenty mistakes in my life. I have many faults and I have many more fears, but I’m going to embrace myself as hard as I can, and I’m starting to love myself, gradually, just little by little.
There was once a very wealthy and curious king. He placed a boulder on a very popular path in his kingdom and hid nearby to see how people dealt with this new challenge. As many people would be walking along this path and coming across the boulder, they would complain about the king and how he’d behaved by leaving this there on this path. Some even criticized him for not caring about his citizens.
Then on man came across this boulder, and he saw it and thought, “Why don’t I move this out of the way? This is causing so much pain and stress to my fellow villagers. I should move this away.” He started to push the boulder. It took a lot of pressure. It took a lot of strain. But after much effort, he managed to move it away from the path.
As he was about to walk on, he saw a small bag that had been laid underneath the boulder. He went closer to it and looked inside. The bag was full of gold coins. The king at this moment revealed himself, approached this gentleman and said, “You’re the person I’ve been looking for.” The man was actually confused. He said, “What is it that I’ve done?”
He said, “You were the only person in the kingdom to choose to move this boulder out of the way. And there’s a very important lesson here. Because you chose to do this, you’ve shown that any obstacle can turn into an opportunity for growth, learning, and success.”
Often all of us are greeted in life by boulders on our path, whether it’s in our careers, whether it’s in our relationships. And what we need to remind ourselves at that point is that we can either be like the people who complained and criticized, or be like this one person who decided to move the boulder and see every point of adversity as an opportunity for growth.
